Monday, July 19, 2010

Quote Dump!

I'm transferring some memorable quotes that I'd posted on our soon to disappear family Ning so that I still had them, it's been a while since I've posted here. Let me clear away some cobwebs and shoo away the varmints! are the quotes in nearly random chronological order:

Wubster: Lots of random baby babble.
Me: Wow, Mini-Me! The Wubster sure is talking a lot. What's he talking about?
Mini-Me: He's talking about a storm, daddy.

Mini-Me: Daddy, can we play outside? There's a warm front coming through.

Mini-Me: It hurts, mommy...will you kiss it?
Mommy: What hurts?
Mini-Me: Kiss my butt, mommy!

While at Target after swimming today, Mini-Me was riding in the cart enjoying a sucker when the following conversation occurred:

Random Woman: What're you eatin'!
Mini-Me: A sucker...
Random Woman: It looks like banana.
Mini-Me: No, it's a sucker.

My attempt at teaching a 2.5-year-old knock knock jokes:

Me: Mini-Me, say 'knock knock'
Mini-Me: Knock knock
Me: [Internal Monologue: This isn't going to work] Who's there? Actually, buddy, when I say 'knock knock' you say 'who's there?' Knock Knock
Mini-Me: Who's there?
Me: Banana
Mini-Me: Banana?
Me: No, you say 'Banana who'. Knock knock
Mini-Me: Banana who?
Me: No, first you say 'Who's there?' and after I say 'banana' you say 'banana who'
Mini-Me: Banana who?
Me: Knock knock
Mini-Me: Who's there?
Me: Banana
Mini-Me: Daddy, there's a banana at the door
Me: No, you say 'Banana who' Knock knock
Mini-Me: Come in, Banana!
Me: Mini-Me, say "Who's there?"
Mini-Me: Who's there?
Me: Banana!
Mini-Me: Come in, banana! Daddy, there are carrots with him!
Me: Arrgghh...nevermind.
Mini-Me: Are you going to let the banana and carrots in?
Me: Not tonight, buddy.

On Monday (3/9) the boys and I get home at the same time.
Mini-Me: Mommy...I missed you SOOOO much. (gives me big hugs and says it again)

Me thinking...awww, how sweet...

About 15 minutes later, he goes over to his geotrax and says...Geotrax, I missed you soooo much.

Oh well....

Tonight after reading a story we had the following conversation:

Daddy: Alright, Mini-Me, now it's time to give mommy some love.
Mini-Me: Let's push her off the bed!

Mini-Me then proceeded to try to push Rachel off the bed while she tried to get hugs.

Do you want a taco for lunch, buddy?

Yes...but I want a taco with NO salad. just meat and cheese?, no...just cheese...and goldfish.

During dinner, Mini-Me was 'reading' to us from a book he got at preschool ...I had to leave the room when he turned the page and 'read': "and then this guy tickled Jesus"

If you're wondering how old the kids were when these occurred the only help I can give is that they're in reverse chronological order:

After 20 minutes of a Wubster-fueled screamfest during dinner, Mini-Me finally piped up, "Daddy, you can go ahead and take him to bed now." The Wubster immediately started laughing.

Operation Boys' Room in full effect...Mini-Me took one look at the Superman/Batman/Wonder Woman poster the Wubster 'got' him as a welcome gesture and hopped into Wubster's bed: "I love it so much, mommy, I have to give him a hug!"...2 minutes later, "He needs another hug for this, mommy!" Now will they nap?

After applying his second Spider-Man tattoo of the day, buck-naked, post-shower, Mini-Me flexed his arms, checked out his 'guns', looked up, and said, "Don't mess with THIS kid!"...he then sashayed out of the bathroom.

Mini-Me after a round or two of "On Top of Ol' Smokey" on the way home today: Daddy, when I sneezed at the table and my meatball rolled off I had to make another, but that one rolled off, too, so I taped the three one to the table and ate it.......then I took the tape off the table.

"Daddy, thank you for the stories, but now go to bed! You can't be awake if you want the Easter Bunny to get here!"

Just buried the bunnies the dogs "played with"...Mini-Me, you wanna say anything?
"Oh, yes! Dear Jesus, sorry the puppies can't play nice. Please make these bunnies alive again. That's all, daddy. Did it work?"
Hmmm...that wasn't on the agenda for tonight.

The kid (and Rach) has been a wealth of quotables lately:
Mini-Me: "Mommy, when I see a tree I get quiet."
Rach: "Well, I guess we need a forest."

"Mommy, before we read the next one, let's look shrew it"
"Through it?"
"Sscrew it!"

"Mommy, when there's an emergency clowns put their hands in the air."

And just a few more:
Mini-Me: (while melodramatically fake crying post-shower) "My eyes hurt!"
Rach: "Get a wet washcloth and wipe them..."
Me: "Or keep crying...the tears will help."
Mini-Me: "What if they're fake tears?"
Rach: "Then you're outta luck"

"Actually, I don't need to brush my teeth because I didn't eat dinner..."

Well, heck! He's got us there...

Rach: "Is it wrong that, when we ask our kids for a kiss, we have to specify no tongue?"

"but daddy, mommy didn't give me my nut lovin' tonight..."

What?!? Your 'nut lovin'?!?

"uh-uh...she didn't give me my night lovin' yet..."

The Wubster's 'discovering' himself now during diaper changes, which led to my favorite Mini-Me quote this morning, "Heeeeyy! No! Don't touch me with your penis hand!!!"

And it keeps getting better! While getting his pjs on: "mommy, I don't want to wear underwear...I want to be like Grandma [CENSORED]."

When we busted up laughing, he said, "What?It's comfortable!"

Just rounded the corner into the master bath to find Mini-Me bent over, spreading his cheeks, saying, "Mommy, look deep into my butt"